Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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