My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
