In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
