Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
