I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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