oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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