If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
