I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
