he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
