8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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