i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
