Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
