i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
