have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
