i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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