some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
