the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
