So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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