every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
