i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
