Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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