I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Less talking, more tequila
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
