would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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