I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
