Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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