I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
