Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
