New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
