You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
