Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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