More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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