At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
