I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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