Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
