i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
