you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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