I heard we made out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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