Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You may now shotgun with the bride
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
