first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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