Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
