U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
