I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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