She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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