my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
