If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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