I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
