man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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