i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
