I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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