I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
