Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
