theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
