I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
