It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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