If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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