totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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