omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
