Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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