I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
