I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
