Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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