I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize