I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need water and some morals
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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