We won't sleep together?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
