either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
