I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
