Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
