I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
