i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
