My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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