I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
