Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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