Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
