drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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